Poets Corner

All my writings have special meaning to me. They may be hidden to everyone else, but everything I write has a piece of myself an it. This next poem I am going to share with you, its a very personal poem. It was written my Senior year of High School. Many girl struggle with their weight, appearance, and eating disorders. I unfortunately fell into this category. I was never overweight through High School but I thought I was, I looked in the mirror and saw FAT. So the summer of my Senior year, I quit eating when I did eat I made sure it was small portions, if the portion size was too big I would take care of that later by making myself sick. I knew I needed help but I became obsessed I loved that I could wear a size zero, I loved that me losing so much weight was drawing attention from other people. Once I started eating again, it took me a while before I became comfortable and happy with my body the way it was. Some days I still struggle I look in the mirror and see the FAT again. Luckily I've learned to love food too much and going with out it just makes me hungry. I think one day I will write a book called "I thought I was fat when I was 45lbs skinnier." Well here is the poem. Hope you enjoy. Oh and if you have an eating disorder please seek help! It's not healthy, and you are beautiful just the way you are I promise!

How much is too much?

By Alexandria J. Eliason

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand

And flush my dreams down the toilet

How will I ever be who I want to be?

When I am stuck in this place!

I hope they don't notice the strain on my cheeks, the moisture in my eyes, the shaking of my hands.

I hope they don't notice the frailty in my body.

I hope they won't try to stop me or try to help

Yes I know I have a problem, but I don't want your help, I don't need you.

Don't need you to tell me I'm beautiful the way I am.

Because to me my beauty is my bones showing through my skin.

I'm just not there yet.

Let me go a little longer.

Let me lose a few more pounds.

As the tears fall down your sober faces

The sky begins to cry out in pain

It turns a dark grey, and it rains

Oh the dreadful rain falls hard,

Hard on my wooden cage

But I can only watch can't ask you to stop

"And Mom I am sorry, Mom please don't cry, Mom I can't comfort you, Mom I am scared, Mom don't go please don't go, don't leave me here!"

Oh God! My God what have I done?

I just wanted to lose a few more pounds

I didn't want this

I should have let you help

I should of stopped

I am sorry, I am sorry I let myself die.