HAPPEY BIRFDAY JORDAN!!!

Happy Birthday to my little sister Jordan Danae Jarvis!! Too many memories to blog about. Favorite nicknames Ryan, Cheeseball, and Lavender!! I hope you have an amazing 17th Birthday, and maybe one day you'll actually get your license and I won't have to drive you around everywhere! Thanks for letting me take you to the movies every Wednesday!! And thanks for always being willing to play dress up, and act crazy!!

Writers Block+PCOS=Life

Well it seems I have writers block lame right! I find at times I am able to write and it's wonderful everything flows so beautiful together like a masterpiece painting. Then there are days when the pencil doodles on a page, because no words seem to make sense. I'll get random pieces words, sentences, phrases that fit here and there, but it doesn't fit together. It's like I'm doing a puzzle but all my pieces are from different puzzles and they don't match. When I'm having writers block one of my favorite things to do is take songs and mix them together. I'll put my ipod on shuffle and take lyrics I like from songs, and make a song out of them. It's fun. Well there is my writers block. Hopefully I'll get out of it.

I was diagnosed with PCOS Poly cystic ovarian syndrome. It's kind of hard to explain so I'll just put a link up. http://www.medicinenet.com/polycystic_ovary/article.htm

I hope that helps, the Dr. said lots of women are able to get pregnant with PCOS and not to stress or worry about it. She said just to have fun with my husband right now, so that's what I plan to do have fun with my husband. He is the greatest guy ever! I just love him so much. Well I think that's all for now. We're hoping for a positive pregnancy in the near future, until then we'll enjoy every second we have with each other. Carpe Diem!

Poets Corner

I think I'll share two today.

Fall Back

By Alexandria J. Eliason

If I told you not to breathe

Because you'll steal this moment away from me

I told you not to hide

Those Forbidden feelings from inside

Just Fall, let go of all you've ever known

I'll catch you I swear

Just come back to me, and fall back home

Don't look back

I promise it will all be over soon

The poison on my lips has infected you with my innocence

Fly, go on and spread your wings

Reach so high, and I'll be right beside you

When you fall, fall back home

Take my hand we will make it I swear

Step closer to the edge, words become whispers,

whispers become thoughts.

Jump, dive into that sea below

I'll be the last thing you see

Fall back home to me

Please breathe, just once for me

I'll never leave this moment

If you promise to always stay

This moment is so precious and fading fast

Promise me it will always last

Scream, scream out to me I've lost my way

Reach, reach out to me I need your strength

Fall, fall for me I have fallen for you

In this moment we will stay, don't breathe.

Untitled

By Alexandria J. Eliason

I'll close my eyes

Our lips can touch

Stop me if I ask too much

I'll forget all the lies

And lower this disguise

I'll give it all

Hold me tight

Don't tell me this isn't right

I'm going to fall

I'll feel small

Just take my hand

I promise to make it all better

Can water get any wetter?

Together we'll jump and leave this land

But don't forget it will be hand in hand

Hold me close and tight

Give me breath when I forget

Dance with me when I want to sit

Make me feel light

I am telling you this is right

The road is wet I am going to slip

Carry me when I can't bare it alone

Please, I'll try and always use a loving tone

Make my heart skip

But never rip

Oh yeah and by the way

Know I love you

Because truly I do

I'll wait until May

For now this is all I can say

Waiting on 2 pink lines!

Well if you don't already know Jordan and I are trying to get pregnant. I know crazy right we just got married we should be enjoying the time alone we have together and we are but before we got married we both knew we wanted a baby right away. So since day one we have not been using protection. Here it is almost month 4 and no baby.

The first month of being married I went a little crazy and bought a ton of pregnancy tests. I spotted in July, and then got my friendly visitor on August 1st so month one officially no baby. I told myself that I wouldn't buy so many pregnancy tests because they are just so expensive. So I have taken two since my last period and here I am 63 days late and both tests have been negative. The other day I took it right when I woke up so my eyesight was a little blurry, and I thought there was two lines but nope just sleepy eyes tricking me. Now your all probably wondering why we are trying right away.

There are several reasons we are trying right away, we want a baby, but my reason I hate admitting is fear. I have a fear I won't be able to have children. Throughout my whole life my cycle has been extremely painful I have gone to the hospital a couple times and they have found cysts on my ovaries. I also have never been regular. My mother had a total hysterectomy before the age of 30, and was lucky she was able to have 4 children. It took her a year of trying before she was finally pregnant with her last child, and she was only 26yrs old. I plan on making an appointment with an ob/gyno here pretty soon to see what I can do so I can get pregnant.

I wrote this post, to kind of vent and get this fear off my chest. I know that through prayer, and faith the Lord will take care of me. At this time instead of me praying to my Lord asking for a baby, and asking what I am doing wrong, why is he punishing me, why won't he give me a baby, I will pray and ask for comfort, and help to prepare myself for the time he will bless me with a baby. I pray for strength to be a good mother in such a terrible world, I pray for patience because I know I need to work on that, and I know I will need lots of patience when I have a child. I pray for a constant companion of the Holy Ghost, and the Savior because I know when I do raise a child I won't be able to do it alone. I pray that I will not over obsess with getting pregnant, and will take the time to enjoy my marriage. Most importantly I pray I won't forget who I am A Daughter of God. And as a Daughter of God, I put all my faith, and trust in the Lord, because I know that the Lord loves me, and will always be there for me, even when the way seems dark. The Lord is my light.