Poets Corner

All my writings have special meaning to me. They may be hidden to everyone else, but everything I write has a piece of myself an it. This next poem I am going to share with you, its a very personal poem. It was written my Senior year of High School. Many girl struggle with their weight, appearance, and eating disorders. I unfortunately fell into this category. I was never overweight through High School but I thought I was, I looked in the mirror and saw FAT. So the summer of my Senior year, I quit eating when I did eat I made sure it was small portions, if the portion size was too big I would take care of that later by making myself sick. I knew I needed help but I became obsessed I loved that I could wear a size zero, I loved that me losing so much weight was drawing attention from other people. Once I started eating again, it took me a while before I became comfortable and happy with my body the way it was. Some days I still struggle I look in the mirror and see the FAT again. Luckily I've learned to love food too much and going with out it just makes me hungry. I think one day I will write a book called "I thought I was fat when I was 45lbs skinnier." Well here is the poem. Hope you enjoy. Oh and if you have an eating disorder please seek help! It's not healthy, and you are beautiful just the way you are I promise!

How much is too much?

By Alexandria J. Eliason

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand

And flush my dreams down the toilet

How will I ever be who I want to be?

When I am stuck in this place!

I hope they don't notice the strain on my cheeks, the moisture in my eyes, the shaking of my hands.

I hope they don't notice the frailty in my body.

I hope they won't try to stop me or try to help

Yes I know I have a problem, but I don't want your help, I don't need you.

Don't need you to tell me I'm beautiful the way I am.

Because to me my beauty is my bones showing through my skin.

I'm just not there yet.

Let me go a little longer.

Let me lose a few more pounds.

As the tears fall down your sober faces

The sky begins to cry out in pain

It turns a dark grey, and it rains

Oh the dreadful rain falls hard,

Hard on my wooden cage

But I can only watch can't ask you to stop

"And Mom I am sorry, Mom please don't cry, Mom I can't comfort you, Mom I am scared, Mom don't go please don't go, don't leave me here!"

Oh God! My God what have I done?

I just wanted to lose a few more pounds

I didn't want this

I should have let you help

I should of stopped

I am sorry, I am sorry I let myself die.

It's Just Another Manic Monday.

Wish the weekend was still here. Jordan and I had a wonderful time visiting with family. I spent most of the day at my Aunt's house for the baby shower. Jordan spent most of the day up a mountain hunting. All in all it was a pretty good weekend, minus me getting hay fever!

Ah Monday how I hate you! I started to clean and organize are room today, but no dice. Jordan and I have enough clothes to clothe a small army. I work a lot of late nights so I tend to sleep in really late. I got a late start on everything today but I plan to be ready for work by 4pm. Work this week is going to be exciting. I work a couple 12hr days, and then just regular 8hr days. I get the weekend off which is exciting because weekends are usually our busiest. I'm tired, frustrated, and my head is killing me!! I'm all done blogging for today I need to get some stuff done. Thought you'd enjoy this wonderful picture of how I feel today.

I love to Read!!

I've decided to put all of the book series that I'm waiting for the next book/books to come out. Bare with me I know they are all pretty much vampire series but hey I'm a girl and what can I say the impossible intrigues me!

• Vampire Diaries by L.J. Smith
• Night World Series by L.J. Smith
• Vampire Academy Series by Richelle Mead
• Blue Blood Novels by Melissa de la Cruz
• The House of Night Novels by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast

I think that is all of them right now. Now I thought I'd make a list of the books I've read that I really enjoyed.

• Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling
• Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
• The Scarlett Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
• Any Jane Austen book
• By a Lady by Amanda Elyot
• The Morning Gift by Eva Ibbotsen
• Nancy Drew by Carolyn Keene
• The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mocking Jay by Suzanne Collins
• Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer
• Poetry of Robert Frost, and Emily Dickinson

I know there are more lots and lots more because, I figure I read at least 100 books a year. I love to read I always have, it's my favorite way to escape from the chaos around me. I'm sure you all do this when your reading but I love to find characters that remind me of people I know, usually I always play the heroine I know I'm selfish, and Jordan plays the hero! And then I find other similarities in my family and friends with characters in the book. I hope you enjoyed my list of books, and maybe you'll find one that you haven't read that interests you. I recommend the Catching Fire series it's really good!!

Well Off to clean up and pack Jordan and I are headed to Myrtle Creek for family fun!

Wet Wednesday!

Jordan hasn't been feeling very well lately, I think there is some sort of bug going around. Several people at work aren't feeling to swell either. I hope I don't get it. Well since my sweet husband has been feeling icky, I thought I'd take on some of his chores!! And of course one of those is washing the dogs!! Here is a nice little video I made sorry about the annoying song I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. Oh and there are a few pictures from our camping trip we took in July. I guess I should tell you about our lovely dogs. Duke is our German Shepard he is 5yrs old, loves to rip the boards off the fence and get out, scared of thunderstorms, and being alone. Kyo is the newest addition to the family, he is almost 1 year old and is a samoyed husky mix, he loves to rip up anything pretty much, sleeps in front of a fan because of all his fluffy hair, and always is smiling. I should mention Duke loves water and swam over the lake 3 times, where as Kyo not a big water fan you'll see in the pictures how he enjoys the water!! Duke and Kyo may be troublemakers, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. They seem to always know when your feeling down and need a kiss!! Oh I forgot to mention Libby my parents dog makes an appearance in one of the pictures, she is crazy haha, she loves digging holes, swimming, eating spiders, and of course snoring. Oh did I mention she has the worst gas ever!!! I love our family's dogs!! And someday we plan on making more additions to our little clan. At this moment we are thinking a Bull Mastiff!!

2$ Tuesday!!

Lets see what's going on today. Its Tuesday, and I am blogging!! Getting ready for a 48hr work week, next week. Jordan is a little frustrated because we won't be able to see much of each other, but we really need the money!! This weekend however we will be going down to Myrtle Creek, OR. To see some family, and go to my cousin Denise's baby shower!! Oh and of course Jordan is going to do some squirrel hunting.

Oh BTW it's 2$ Tuesday at Dutch Bros.!!!!!!

I've changed my major for the third time, and will now be seeking a career in something I love. Writing!! Tuesday will be my share a little of something I've wrote with everyone so here is one of my latest, it's called Glass.

Glass

By Alexandria J. Eliason

I was blinded by love

You made me feel alive

I was smitten with hope

You tasted so sweet

I was risking it all

You were impressive

I was in awe

You fooled everyone so easily

I was no different than the rest

I was stuck in your game

You tried to open my eyes

But I was hard to change

I longed for your love

And I'm stuck, stuck, found

Opened my eyes today

Saw the truth in front of me

For just one second I couldn't let myself believe

That I was the one deceived

The things I thought

The words you said

A vine of anger wraps itself up in my heart

I scream "Was it lies from the start?"

Whisper your sorry, said you did it all for me

Tell me would you try and change the one you love

Tell me how it feels

Once all the truths have been revealed

Seeing that your plan fell through

Knowing now I will never love you

Was it worth the risk

Was it worth the pain

I'll move on

While you'll stay the same

In that place where I was in love with a lie

I somehow made you mine

Like the calm before the storm

We shared a moment of peace and love

In a trance of happiness

You finally spoke the words I needed to hear

"My darling I love you"

For once the words felt real

You beg me to think back to that day

Before I walk away

I can't help but cry "It was all a lie"

You can tell me you love me, but don't ever expect me to believe you

This relationship built on glass

Shatters all around us

As I turn and walk away

And wonder if you truly ever felt the same

The secrets behind the lyrics

Beautiful to Me by Jaron and The Long Road to Love

You were Juliet and I was into you
And I asked you out 'til you couldn't say no
And you finally felt it too
I drove you down the boulevard
That's where you took my heart
And you gave me yours instead
And every day you find new ways to be beautiful
You laugh at the garden that we grow in the lawn
Drink coffee in the kitchen with no makeup on
Sing all the wrong words to my favorite songs
You're beautiful and that's beautiful
You got lines on your face from sleepin' on me
Call me at work 'cause you lost your key
Go to buy a dog and you come home with three
You're beautiful and that's beautiful to me
Yeah
You turn every head when you walk into a room
But your kindness and your sweetened soul lingers like perfume
Babe, you coulda gone with Romeo but you let him go
And you stayed with me instead
And every day I find new ways that make you beautiful
You say, "honey give me roses, but don't buy red"
You need 46 pillows all over the bed
Guess every punchline before it's said
You're beautiful and that's beautiful
What you doin' with a guy like me?
You're so cool and I'm high tea
I don't deserve to have a girl as beautiful as you
Yeah you laugh at the garden that we grow in the lawn
Drink coffee in the kitchen with no makeup on
Sing all the wrong words to my favorite songs
You're beautiful and that's beautiful
You got lines on your face from sleepin' on me
Call me at work 'cause you lost your key
You go to buy a dog and you come home with three
You're beautiful and that's beautiful to me
You're so beautiful and that's beautiful to me

Jordan and I got married June 10th of this year. We were married for time and all eternity in the Portland, Oregon temple. A reception was held in our honor on June 11th. A big thank you goes to Samantha Willie for all her awesome work, the bouquet, the cake, and the reception decorations. To Kristen Moss for the beautiful pictures. And to everyone else who helped out!! To see all the wonderful pictures check out my facebook.http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/album.php?aid=175238&id=675868340 Now for the meanings behind the music! This song above came out probably a month before we were married, Jordan heard it and was like this is totally Alex, and then I heard and laughed. Our only problem was we already had a perfect song picked out, that we have had picked out since forever. It's always been our song. So it came down to choosing this new and exciting song, or our song...and we ended up with our song which is Little Moments by Brad Paisley. Listen to it and you'll see why we chose it. As for the father daughter dance the song chosen was Cleaning this Gun by Rodney Atkins. The song pretty much sums up my dad!! I forgot to mention the song we walked out to for obvious reasons Another One Bites the Dust by Queen. As for the bouquet toss Your Love is My Drug by Ke$ha. The garter toss You Shook Me All Night Long by ACDC. The song we left to was I've Got a Feeling by Black Eyed Peas. If you listen to the songs, I hope you can see why we picked these songs for our wedding reception.

Now for a more present update. Jordan and I have been married for a whole 2 months wow right?! I am loving it, and yes it's different, but it's a good different. We are learning new things about each other everyday, but lots of things stay the same. Like the way Jordan makes me laugh, or smile, or just happy. I am pretty sure I have the worlds greatest husband but I am biased. Jordan is working for Glory Bee Foods, and I am still at the theatre! We both work 4o hours a week, and most of the time our shifts are opposite of each other so he leaves in the morning and comes home in the afternoon, I leave in the afternoon and come home in the morning. It makes it hard to spend quality time together, but when we have the chance too, we are usually riding scooters, playing with Kyo, or cuddling on the couch and watching a movie! Well and thinks that's all to update today. Hope all is well with everyone. As for the newest Eliason family life is great!