January 1st 2015.
At around 4pm in the evening I decided I would drive my
parents Mercedes to their house to feed their cat, and just hang out with my
kids. They were in Idaho dropping my little sister off at school. I fought with
myself all day about going over there you can ask Sam I seriously was like I’m
going, I’m not going. And I finally decided I would for sure go.
In order to leave I needed to install Blake’s car seat into
my parents car. A couple months ago I purchased Blake a new car seat called the
Click tight. I am terrible at installing car seats and this new car seat
basically makes it really easy for me to install and is extremely safe. It was
pricey but I felt it was worth it since I struggled with getting other car
seats secure enough in the car. As I was installing the car seat into the car
the thought went through my mind that I should just put Blake forward facing,
technically he was old enough it was just a short trip to my parents, not that
big of a deal. I shrugged the thought away and continued to install the car
seat rear-facing. Seriously took like three minutes to get it secured. I then
went and got my children and buckled them into their safety car seats. As I look
back now I can remember slowly buckling each piece of the car seat with careful
precision making sure none of the pesky straps folded, and that the chest piece
was in the correct place. I waited for Josh parked behind me as he installed
his car seats to their vehicle they had plans to go to his parents’ house. Josh
moved the car and I was off.
I took my normal route down Hilyard to get to my parents’
house. This next part is very difficult for me to write because I am tired of
reliving the situation, I am tired of the memories that are burned in my brain and
I am hoping that if I can write it all out get it off my chest I will be able
to let go of the fear, and pain.
The Accident Approximately 4:30pm
I had just passed the light right before the University
Hospital, and was traveling about 25mph my next light was green and I
maintained my speed. As I entered the intersection of Hilyard and East 11th
I realized the car traveling west on East 11th was not stopping for
their designated red light. Fear engulfed me as I put my foot on the brake
trying to prevent a collision, and began honking the horn. The moments between
seeing the vehicle and collided with said vehicle were so quick. All I had time
to do was trying and stop and honk. In an instant I struck my driver’s side
front end with their driver’s side rear end. Had that car been travelling just
a little bit faster, had I been able to slow down just a little bit more we
would have missed each other. The airbag deployed and because my right hand had
been honking the horn it caused it to fly into the air and come in contact with
the rearview mirror. I remember a loud crunch of metal, I remember Blake let
out an annoyed cry, and I remember a pop and powder filled the inside of the
car I remember my hand throbbing with pain. My adrenaline kicked in and my only
thought was my children. I got out of my vehicle and began crying yelling “please,
please, my babies, somebody help me!” Over and over again I pleaded with
anyone, the air, God I begged for help. I held my arm close to my chest, and
cried over and over again. It felt like people just stared out me in shock like
no one knew what to do. Crap I didn’t even know what to do. I only knew I
needed someone to help me and my children. Because the other vehicle had not
even attempted to stop but maintained its speed he had driven further down the street.
I remained in the intersection begging for help, from anyone. Finally people
who must have heard the crash and my screaming came to my aid. Someone let me
use their phone so I could call Sam. I was coherent the whole time of the crash
but would have these random bits of hysteria where I would cry and ask for help
for my children. The only number that came to mind was our house phone number I
spouted out the number and Josh answered I tried talking but all that came out
was “accident, please come, Hilyard street” a different lady took the phone
from me and began to talk with Josh. After talking to Josh she comforted me and
let me know my family, and ambulances were on their way. She helped me stay
focused, and held me between my wandering back and forth to check on my
children, and cry about the pain in my arm. I specifically remember saying to
her “My arm it hurts, that is Braden and Blake, he will be 3 in March, and he turned
1 in October. He ran a red light who does that?” She watched me struggle with
my brain chatter out loud, I saw tears in her eyes, I knew she was doing everything
she could to comfort me. I admire her bravery her strength, I wish I got her
name. I said to her I was so glad she was there, and that I won’t remember her
name but I will never forget her. The ambulance and cops arrived along with
Sam. My arm was the only thing injured and the boys were fine (thank you car
seats!). The EMT’s asked what happened and I told them, and then the cop came
and asked what happened I told him and his response was “He said you ran the
red light.” I replied “I do not run red lights, I have my babies in the car and
I would never put their lives at jeopardy like that.” The cop said there were
no witnesses so there was nothing he could do. I have tried finding witnesses,
I have contacted business up and down the street, I have asked Facebook, I have
asked the news, but no witnesses. The claim has been given to the insurance and
is under investigation so my mom says I no longer need to look for witnesses.
I Remember
I clearly remember
seeing the driver of the other vehicle breeze through that light without a care
in the world I clearly remember him accelerating, not trying to stop; I clearly
remember him and his passenger looking onward. I clearly remember seeing his vehicle
for a while, but I did not realize he wasn’t stopping until it was too late. I
clearly remember trying to stop, I clearly remember honking and thinking to
myself “this idiot”, I clearly remember the panic, the pain, and the continual
fear. The only thing I can do now though since it seems to be out of my hands
is to utilize the Atonement of Christ and let it heal me. Let the comfort of
the lord ease my pain and suffering. I have driven since the accident I drive
with extra extra caution. Just because you consider yourself a good driver does
not mean you will never get in an accident, other people are irresponsible drivers
and your good driving will not always be able to protect you.
What I have learned.
Air bags smell so gross, and aren’t really as bad as some
people say. Seatbelts save lives, properly installed car seats, and buckled
children more than likely will walk away from an accident with these words “Grammie
and Pop Pops car popped, and now it is broke.”-Braden. God is still good. I
have not lost faith because a bad thing happened. I know I was blessed that the
accident could have been much worse.
Now What
Now I am letting go of this moment in my life. I am no
longer going to let it rule over me. I will try my best to not flinch when I
hear a balloon pop, or tear up when I think of what happened. I am stronger
than this and I am no longer going to let it darken my life.
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