Life in the pain: Migraines

Hello my name is Alex and I have daily migraines.

My mother says before I could talk I would cry and point to my head. At a very early age I was prescribed horse size pills for my migraines. I was given special attention all through out my life, and there was even a point where I took advantage of the migraines. 

Elementary School

In Elementary School I literally passed out one time because I over excited myself playing a game of pictionary. I was 8 years old and went to the bathroom with my friend Rachel, and passed out in the stall. I don't remember passing out, I remember walking in and being really dizzy and then I was with the school nurse. If I felt a migraine coming on I would simply tell my teacher, go to the office take a pill, and sleep for about 30 minutes with an ice pack. I'd get up and go back to class, just a little bit loopy. By the time I was in 5th grade we had figured out some of my triggers. Low blood sugar was one of them and I had my own special snack drawer in my teachers office I was allowed to slip away to when I felt a migraine coming on. 

Middle School

By this time my migraines were so much a part of my life that I started to become accustomed to them. However they also increased, I missed a lot of school because of them. Not much to say here if I had one there wasn't a health office anymore to go to I would just call my mom or dad and they would come get me. 

High School 

It wasn't until High School that I allowed the migraines to control my life more and use them as a crutch. It was also in High School I was diagnosed with "Daily Migraines". Basically what it means is every day of my life I wake up in pain, I go to bed in pain, I work in pain, I live in pain. The pain ranges from a scale of 2-10 depending. But there is hardly ever a moment without pain. I envy people who are not in constant pain and I have even wondered if my pain is imaginative. The mind is a powerful tool and maybe I lived with migraines so long I can't live without them. Since I was in pain everyday sometimes dull, sharp, unbearable I allowed myself to make my illness a weakness. Because I missed so much school I was put on a 504 plan to accommodate me and my migraines. At first I thought it made me different but then I was like hey I get all of this extra time to do stuff, and I took advantage of it and that was wrong. I know it is wrong and I regret it. I used my migraines to get out of not only school, but the paper route, and other activities I really didn't want to do. My priorities were not straight and no one knew I was taking advantage of the pain. It got to the point though where the story of "The boy who cried wolf" comes to mind. Yes I was in pain daily was it full blown migraine pain no not necessarily but when it was I got no sympathy, and I made a mess of things. I didn't get out of doing homework they just postponed deadlines, which in the long run sucked because I had to spend time finishing old assignments before anything else which means no Church dances, cell phones, hanging out with friends, etc. I made it through High School with the migraines even if I allowed them to control me. 

Now

What I wouldn't give to be painless for more than 24hrs. What I wouldn't give to not have to medicate before an event I know will cause me pain. Last year at Thanksgiving I got a full blown migraine so bad all I could do was sleep and cry it sucked. I can't rough house with my family or play sports without either medicating before hand or after. I have literally been on every pill or potion, I've done physical therapy, acupuncture. I read my scriptures I say my prayers I do not believe for a moment God is punishing me. I believe that my migraines are one of my trials I will forever face in this life. A trial that at first made me weaker but now is making me stronger. I can't always medicate or properly prevent a full blown migraine because I don't have that luxury. But every once in a while medicated or not the pain subsides for a few hours. Life in the pain is painful but I do not let identify my as a person. Yes my head hurts, it is currently throbbing as I write this but I will go on living each day because even if it is painful life is worth living.