Where have all the Cowboys gone?

My mind sometimes wanders to the past, especially to my several failed relationships. Five to be exact, I am not as crazy as some of you think. For the longest time I fought myself, I didn't want to accept the fact that a part of me had loved any part of them. I was embarrassed, ashamed that things didn't work out.
Don't get me wrong I am madly in love with Jordan. I am happy he is my husband, and grateful he is mine for eternity. It is hard though to forget the past because I always feel there is something wrong with me and that is why my relationships failed. I am having a hard time letting it go I need to know why, or what I did wrong.
I am going to pause now take a deep breath and look at this differently.
We will refer to my failed relationships as FR.
The first thing I need to do obviously after breathing is accept the fact that some part of me loved FR, and because I am human and have a heart that part of me will always care about FR. I do not need to obsess over the reason/reasons why FR and I did not last. Instead I want to look at the time we shared with happiness, and not regret. Regret is such a heavy emotion it is something I don't need in my life. As I grow older unfortunately I find it easier to pinpoint moments in my life of immaturity. Said immature moments caused me to behave in ways I hope I never repeat.
I want to talk about the part of me that cares for FR. That does not mean I dote on them, and hope they dote on me. It means I wish them happiness in all areas of there life. It means I want them to be successful, to have families, to love and be loved. I would hope if ever they think of me they wish the same things for me.
The hardest part at failed relationships is the loss of the friend not the boyfriend. It is very difficult but possible to remain friends after a failed relationship. You wish you could go back and save yourself  from the pain of losing them, but you can't. You can only move forward. Understand this nothing will be the same, it will never go back to how it was.
So what do you do with that? You take a deep breath, accept it, let it go, and move on.
Why? Because you know they are happy, they are loved. Also you have a super hot army man that chose you to be his wife, and mother of his children. You wouldn't change any part of the past because the past made you the person yoy are today. You are grateful for all aspects of the relationship the beginning and the end. You are grateful because it gave you knowledge, you are a better person because of it. You are happy, you are loved, and when you think of FR you smile at the memories, and lessons learned. You are going to be okay.