Poets Corner

Unheard Apology
By Alexandria J. Eliason


And it took me too long to realize
The reason you left was not my fault
You told me you couldn't love me until I quit loving him
But what you really meant to say was
You couldn't love me because you were still in love with her
I wondered if I was not worth the fight
I wondered if you were right
Looked in the mirror at a face full of flaws
Cried in the night for a reason why
I applaud your lies
And that beautiful disguise
Tried to blame me and my caring heart
But we were both the ones to tear us apart
Because you were right; I was still in love with him
But you were wrong saying he was why you couldn't love me
Because I was right to walk away
But I was wrong leaving you that way
Confused and hurt I lashed out at you
Confused and hurt you lashed out too
And now all that's left is a broken song
Loved you I did, but not like I love him
Cried for you I did, but not like I cry for him
Smiled for you I did, but not like I smile for him
Laughed with you I did, but not like I laugh with him
I never knew love could destroy love
But I want you to know that it doesn't matter
I owe you an apology but my pride won't let me speak
Really when you denied me love
You opened my heart to true love
So here is my unheard apology
I wish you only the best
And thank you for all the rest

Poets Corner

Our Perfect Storm
By. Alexandria J. Eliason


Your eyes were every different shade of grey
A perfect storm that made my day
I was surprised I never drowned
In the beautiful chaos we had found
Holding tight to the man I knew
Promising I will always love you
So when the floods came and the water rose
Instead of failing our love it grows
We were made from the ashes of a fire that burned
We weathered the frost with so much to learn
The winds then blew
And we new exactly what to do
Hand in hand we conquered it all
A love bound by God was our reason for resisting a fall
And as long as we keep love in our hearts
The hurricanes will never tare us apart

Poets Corner

Ebb and Flow

By Alexandria J. Eliason

The ebb and flow of the tide
It has a natural order to life
While my life is chaotic
Some days I just want to hide
There is just too much strife
I'm acting strange.....maybe neurotic

I try and grasp at structure
Breathe in stability
And maybe smell the roses
My heart instead ruptures
I tremble with fragility
Feeling fake, striking these poses

My smile it's weak
Eyes are constantly grey
A storm is brewing in the distance
Words tumble out, but how do I speak
The nightmares won't stay at bay
Time to drop this resistance

It's just the ebb and flow
The natural order to my life
Constantly have to fight these demons away
One day the pain will fade
Already my faith begins to grow
I see the Lord's light
And for all the right reasons
I'll say my prayers tonight

ALL OVER THE PLACE!

I am so looking forward to this weekend! It's my 21st birthday and we are celebrating it LDS style!! Virgin Daiquiri's and Virgin Pina Colida's. We rented a beach house in Yachats for the whole weekend! So blessed to have my awesome family coming with me to celebrate my awesome birth! The coolest part besides being with my family we are going to do a murder mystery and if you know me you know those are my favorite!!! AHhhhhhh so excited!!!! Oh here take a look at where we'll be staying this weekend! http://sweethomesrentals.com/SeaEscape_info.html

Like any other trip of course I procrastinated until the last minute to pack, clean, and make food. So I'll be up all night doing laundry, and packing my bag. You're probably wondering why I need to pack so much, well it happens that after my amazing birthday weekend I will be going to spend the week at Sam's house to help them pack and clean for their move! I'm looking forward to it.

Now you're probably wondering how I got all this time off of work...well guess what I'm out of my rut I quit my job...(pause for effect). Why you ask, well I wasn't happy working their and felt myself getting stuck forever in a job I didn't love. So I quit took away a ton of stress in my life, and now I'm a stay at home wifey until the fall when I will go back to school to continue my education! I'm enjoying it. Being lazy right now, and I have so many plans for the summer. I'm thinking about starting a new blog called Helpless Homemakers, where I post about how terrible I am at being a homemaker, and all the lessons I've learned and new ideas for decorating, and recipes! Easy little things to help out a new wife like me. Maybe, maybe not we'll see. I think it would be fun.

I know this blog is all over the place but just bare with me please. I feel like every morning should start off with this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ex8juBO-7Y&feature=related This video is wonderful and I'm so glad someone shared it with me!

Well I guess I should really quit blogging and get back to what I'm supposed to be doing. I hope you all have an amazing weekend too. Oh yeah forgot to mention I was invited to the Royal Wedding but since it's my birthday I won't be going. Oh one more thing HAPPY ANNIVERSARY JARED AND KRISTEN MOSS!! HAS IT REALLY BEEN 5YRS SINCE MY SWEET 16 WAS RUINED!! LOL JK LOVE YOU GUYS!!

Writing again...

A doppelgänger or fetch is the fictional ghostly double of a living person, a sinister form of bilocation.
In the vernacular, "Doppelgänger" has come to refer (as in German) to any double or look-alike of a person. The literal translation of the German word is "double–goer," meaning someone who is acting (i.e. going) the same way as another person. The word is also used to describe the sensation of having glimpsed oneself in peripheral vision, in a position where there is no chance that it could have been a reflection. They are generally regarded as harbingers of bad luck. In some traditions, a doppelgänger seen by a person's friends or relatives portends illness or danger, while seeing one's own doppelgänger is an omen of death. In Norse mythology, a vardøger is a ghostly double who precedes a living person and is seen performing their actions in advance.

Doppelgänger

By. Alexandria J. Eliason

And I wonder why

Why you won't leave me be

And I always try

Try to ponder what I see

It's in his baby blue eyes

That I go weak at the knee

I try to block you out

And remember who really is in front of me

I don't know what your about

But it's plain to see

You won't let me forget anything

And it caught me off guard the first time

Bringing back memories I'd gladly forget

But I lose myself in his smile

So I have found ways to remove him from my life

And try to look past the disguise of your face

Because he is you, and you left a long time ago

I can't...can't find a way to see him

When it's always you

And I can't bare to see him

When your broken promises lie across his face

I can't see him

When you whisper memories of our kiss on his lips

I can't see him

When it's your hands I see

I can't see him

When it's you who gets me lost in his eyes

I can't find the place where you and him are different

And I wonder how long you will decide to plague me with remembrance in his gaze

I beg of you take your doppelgänger away

Poets Corner

Warning: The poem your about to read does not have a happy ending. Life and love don't always work. Too often we are caught up in what we think the other one is thinking or what we are thinking that we miss out on love and friendship. This poem has no reflection on my marriage, I am completely happy I promise. I hope you like it. It was hard to write, because I love happy endings.

Thoughts...
By Alexandria J. Eliason


What she thought...
I thought you would have been the easiest to let go of
Your heart was never really mine
I knew what we had wasn’t love
Could clearly see the signs
Stubbornly I forced myself blind
But I remember...
It was in your eyes on that first day
The sun poked through the clouds
It was early May, the flowers grew
Back when I thought I loved you
And you loved me
I smiled but didn’t know what else to do
Because...
I could see you were already gone
It turns out the one thought to have been the easiest
Was the hardest to leave behind
Long will I wonder why...
Why I couldn’t make you mine

What he thought...
Beauty kissed you gently making you easy to miss
I thought I could never let you go
I knew what I saw in your eyes
Long I tried to make you forget
Swore I had erased him in that first kiss
But I remember...
It was there that first day, and in your eyes in the October rain
I watched you pack, get in the car, and drive away
I cried after you, swore I loved you
But you were never mine to love
Only to hold for a few moments
I smiled but didn’t know what else to do
Because...
You were holding on to something already gone
It turns out the one thought to have been the hardest
Was the easiest to leave behind
Long will I wonder why...
Why I ever gave you the time

Rut-a-tut-tut I'm in a rut.

I am so bored with my life at this moment, and find myself going through the motions. Doing everything on auto pilot. My body knows the movements of the day but my mind has checked out. This same routine is just boring me to tears. Work, clean, read a book, sleep, get sick(technically never get better), and the cycle starts over.
Don't get me wrong I love my life, I love my amazing husband, my amazing family and friends, it's just I've been doing the same thing for so long, my heart is begging me for a change of pace. Anything new I guess. Let's break this down.
Work- I have a pretty good job, and am grateful for it and I know that there are plenty of people out there that are jobless and need jobs so I shouldn't be complaining. But...I'm so bored with it, the routine of it, the going to it, and not seeing my husband.
Clean- Ugh...why do you always have to be constantly cleaning? Can't everything self clean itself for goodness sakes?!? I loathe the litter box!!
Reading- I guess the books are the only thing changing in my life, on a good week I can go through 3-6 books. I am enjoying my personal scripture study and looking forward to finishing the Book of Mormon, and starting it again to see how many times I can read it in one year.
Sleep- My body loves sleep and if it doesn't get at least 10hrs of sleep it doesn't know how to function. I know again I should be grateful because how many of you busy people out there get even a full healthy 8hrs of sleep. Sleep and I have a hate and love relationship I love to sleep but I hate missing my day. It's complicated!
Sickness- I don't know what is wrong with me but I find myself back on antibiotics after only a week of being off of them. This time a stronger dosage and a longer amount of time taking them. It seems though that being sick has become part of my routine.
I miss the days were I had less responsibility and I could be more spontaneous. When I could just up and go spend a whole day at the beach, or go on a hike, or road trip somewhere. I miss school and learning. I want to learn something new take a class, go for a hike, I even want to try zumba. Yes I am complaining, and yes I realize that the only person who can get me out of this so called rut is myself. I know I need to make the changes I want to see, and I know it won't always be easy, and some days it will feel like a rut, but looking on the bright side of things always helps, I mean it could be raining!! Dreams are never too far out of reach. I guess in venting a little I've released some of the tension, and life doesn't seem so rutty anymore. Venting is nice....Have a great day everyone!!!
Love,
ME!!

Happy Birthday Jordan!

His side

~She always sang her own song. Danced to her own beat of the drum. Charismatic people flocked to her side. Eyes gleaming, smile shining laughing out loud. She caught his eye. From a distance he watched as she gracefully wandered the room. Always surrounded he didn't see a way in. In one life changing moment their eyes locked. And the world stopped, the people around her drifted to the background as she made her way slowly to his side.

~Introductions led to firsts, holding hands, secret kisses. Along with the happiness came the troubles. Doubters whispered lies in their ears, hopeing to end what they thought wasn't right, "Too young" they muttered, "Too young to love so much." Confused and scared she drifted back to the life she lived before. Longing to return to his side.

~From a far they watched eachother forced smiles on their lips, eyes pained with loneliness. Happy were they who fought so hard to get them apart. Little did they know what's meant to be will always find a way. And a love like theirs found it's way. With her mask on the ground he found her with tears not even making a sound. He kneels, whispered softly, tells her to take his hand, and he leads her back. In a dress fitted for a Queen she enters the room. A hush fall on the crowd. Beauty undescribable they wait for her to descend. A wave of shock surges through the people, as they see him emerge from the shadows. Her eyes full of love, she takes his hand, and all witness her return to her rightful place by his side.

~In years to come some will still try and destroy what is meant to be. Set is stone is the love they've made, a love to last an eternity. And all the while faithfully she'll remain by his side.


Happy Birthday Jordan Blake Eliason. I am so happy you were born! I don't know where I would be without you. Please don't ever change a thing, I love you very much! I've had the time of my life fighting dragons with you!

Love,
Alexandria J. Eliason

Happppy Birthday SAmmmmy Jaayyy!!

Today is my favorite older sisters birthday!!! Happy Birthday to Samantha Nicole Willie!! Her Birthday is obviously Jan 5, her social is 653-838-0987, her address is 3324 somewhereinsalem ln. if you need any more information to steal her identity please leave a comment below.

I have the worlds best older sister, she has always been there for me through the good, the bad, the ugly, and even the awkward! Many times I have relied on her help with hair or make-up for events, and transportation. I love her very much and couldn't have asked for a better sister. Thank you Sam for being AWESOME!!!