Waiting on 2 pink lines!

Well if you don't already know Jordan and I are trying to get pregnant. I know crazy right we just got married we should be enjoying the time alone we have together and we are but before we got married we both knew we wanted a baby right away. So since day one we have not been using protection. Here it is almost month 4 and no baby.

The first month of being married I went a little crazy and bought a ton of pregnancy tests. I spotted in July, and then got my friendly visitor on August 1st so month one officially no baby. I told myself that I wouldn't buy so many pregnancy tests because they are just so expensive. So I have taken two since my last period and here I am 63 days late and both tests have been negative. The other day I took it right when I woke up so my eyesight was a little blurry, and I thought there was two lines but nope just sleepy eyes tricking me. Now your all probably wondering why we are trying right away.

There are several reasons we are trying right away, we want a baby, but my reason I hate admitting is fear. I have a fear I won't be able to have children. Throughout my whole life my cycle has been extremely painful I have gone to the hospital a couple times and they have found cysts on my ovaries. I also have never been regular. My mother had a total hysterectomy before the age of 30, and was lucky she was able to have 4 children. It took her a year of trying before she was finally pregnant with her last child, and she was only 26yrs old. I plan on making an appointment with an ob/gyno here pretty soon to see what I can do so I can get pregnant.

I wrote this post, to kind of vent and get this fear off my chest. I know that through prayer, and faith the Lord will take care of me. At this time instead of me praying to my Lord asking for a baby, and asking what I am doing wrong, why is he punishing me, why won't he give me a baby, I will pray and ask for comfort, and help to prepare myself for the time he will bless me with a baby. I pray for strength to be a good mother in such a terrible world, I pray for patience because I know I need to work on that, and I know I will need lots of patience when I have a child. I pray for a constant companion of the Holy Ghost, and the Savior because I know when I do raise a child I won't be able to do it alone. I pray that I will not over obsess with getting pregnant, and will take the time to enjoy my marriage. Most importantly I pray I won't forget who I am A Daughter of God. And as a Daughter of God, I put all my faith, and trust in the Lord, because I know that the Lord loves me, and will always be there for me, even when the way seems dark. The Lord is my light.