"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future."

There is a part of me that is constantly comparing my life to the lives of those I read about in books, and watch on TV shows. I cannot help but find many of my everyday moments could seriously be taken out of the Lord of the Rings. Especially when it comes to raising hungry toddlers.

I find myself in love with the writings of J.R.R. Tolkein and quote him often. In High School I was struggling with a particular part of the Book of Mormon and just couldn't understand two groups of people and how wicked they truly were. So I did what I did best and I related it to something I knew and luckily my seminary teacher knew exactly what I was talking about. I understood better when I realized that at that time Lamenites were like Orcs, and Amalekites were like Uruk-Hai. One was evil and the other a little more evil, and bad.

When I find a good quote in my life that strengthens me as a mother I tend to have it on repeat in moments I find myself overwhelmed. There are many Sundays I am alone with my two boys, Sam and Josh are there but are taking care of their two kids. Let me remind you I have an almost 2yr old, and a 3 month old. It gets crazy really quick especially when they both want your attention. Last Sunday Jordan happened to be at church but it was still crazy. My cheeks were flushed mostly from trying to wrestle my toddler out from under the pew, and slightly with embarrassment as my toddler yelled out "No time out Mommy!" (I swear I do not put him in time out very often.) He continued to talk and kick because he did not want to sit still for the sacrament. My eyes close to tears as I thought about what others thought of me, and my unruly bunch of kids. The thought entered my mind maybe we shouldn't come to church until they can be reverent, or we should sit in the foyer as to not offend or annoy any one. Out of the back of my abyss of negativity came the quote "Even the smallest person can change the course of the future."  Peace entered my mind, and soul and the Lord took the opportunity to teach me a lesson. I was exactly where I needed to be no matter how crazy my kids were acting. I was in the Lords house receiving the messages he needed me to hear. Sure I only caught bits and pieces, and my child continued to be unruly to the point he was taken out of the chapel by his father but we were at church and we were somehow making it. The Lord understood I needed reassurance so he sent up a lovely woman who happened to be a nonmember to the pulpit. She shared some stories with us, and then spoke of her love for the "Mormon" people. How she loved coming to our Chapels and hearing the children. Tears entered my eyes again as I listened to this woman and her words. She loved my unruly, noisy child, and I did too. "I never said it was going to be easy I only said it would be worth it."My life is far from easy, far from perfect but I know if I keep positive thoughts in my head if I remember I am exactly where I need to be it will be worth it. Worth it to kneel before my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, worth it to be with my family for eternity. It will be so worth it. I love my children with all my heart, I love the chaos they bring, most importantly I love that they are making me want to be a better person for them. There are going to be times where I am going to want to wave the white flag, and not endure. I am thankful that when those times happen I have a loving Heavenly Father and Mother, and Savior who know I need to be strengthened. I love that they have already prepared me for those times by helping me surround myself with people who will uplift and heal me. I pray that I can be a strength to others, that I ALWAYS let the positive outweigh the negative. That I remember who I am and what I stand for. I cherish these moments with my precious children because there will be a time when they will be out on their own and I will miss the noise of their sweet voices. My heart is full of love as I overcome, and truly feel the power of forgiveness. I know who I am, and I love who I am.

I am a daughter of God!