It's Where my Demons Hide

It catches me off guard
The deep sadness that is your absence
Engulfs me in a dark flame
I scream but no one hears your name
Why can't it be different? 
Why can't you be here?
The smile etched across my face
It twitches slightly as I lose my grip
I am painfully silent
But that tear will slip
I hate this heartache that's been sent
The fire it burns but the water it drowns
Mask, mask, masquerade
Play it safe, keep it close
Breathe it in and push it down
Find a beat
Thump...thump..?...thump
It's there can't you see an irregularity
Darkness, light, sadness, hope
Wash, rinse, repeat
On the pyre I find the peace
Now I sleep...